Holding On Tonight
by Lord of Kavaka
Summary: Kate Beckett just finished her first day as Captain of the Twelfth Precinct. Yet she didn't want to go home to an empty apartment. Her life was a lonely one. And she felt like celebrating this milestone in her career with the NYPD. But the last thing she expected was to run into Richard Castle. Caskett. Set in an alternate Season 8. Rated T. COMPLETE. For CastleFicathonWinter2017.
1. Chapter 1

**Holding on Tonight**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 1**_

* * *

She did it.

Kate Beckett shut down her computer and leaned back in her chair, releasing a long, slow sigh. After a moment's rumination, she stood up and arched her back as she stretched her arms up above her head.

Yes. She did it.

She had made it through her first day as captain of the Twelfth Precinct without any issues. It wasn't the same as when she was a detective; for one thing, there was a lot more paperwork. It was more political than she liked, though she'd known that coming in. And she couldn't run down leads with the boys like she had before. But, at the end of the day, there was still that satisfaction of a job well done.

Now it was time to go home.

Home.

That gave her pause.

Kate Beckett stood frozen in place, her stylish overcoat halfway on. Her brow furrowed as she mulled over that thought. _Home_. There was nothing really exciting about that thought. Frowning, she tugged her coat fully on and shut the lights off before departing her office. That was going to take some time to get used to. Even though it had been a couple of years, she still thought of it as Captain Montgomery's office. Captain Gates had served well, but Roy Montgomery had been her friend and mentor. He, more than anyone else, had helped shape her into the cop she was today. He'd taught her so much.

Closing the office door, Kate cast a lingering glance across the bullpen— _her bullpen_ —before making her leave. She rode the elevator down to the lobby, waving to the desk sergeant as she strolled past, pushing through the door to exit out into the street. A nice breeze blew through the night air, warm and comfortable for an early autumn evening. Kate took in a deep breath, and paused, tying her hair back into a high ponytail.

Her heels clicked against the cement as she set off down the sidewalk, not really heading anywhere in particular, just ambling. Kate was in no real hurry. There was nothing waiting for her back home, just an empty apartment. She frowned, tucking her hands into her pockets as she stopped at an intersection, waiting for the light to change.

Ducking her head down, she considered the possibilities. She could order takeout and just crash on the sofa, as she did most nights. Or not. Following her normal routine just didn't feel right tonight. She didn't want to finish her first day as captain with something ordinary. This was a big deal. She felt like celebrating the milestone in her career with the NYPD.

Kate raised her head as the light changed, and joined the other pedestrians as she made her way across the crosswalk. There was a bar nearby that should fit the bill for what she was looking for tonight. With the decision made, Kate nodded to herself and leisurely walked towards her destination.

The bar had a decent crowd for the late hour, mostly yuppies and couples. She didn't mind. It beat an empty apartment. And she found it rather nice to be surrounded by the noise. Kate made her way to the bar, and perched herself on a stool, draping her coat along the backrest.

The bartender came over and she ordered a beer. She leaned on her elbows and looked out at the dancefloor, watching as the younger couples laughed and mingled. She sighed, remembering when she was that age, and wishing it were still that easy to just be so free. Though she kept herself in good shape, Kate was in her mid-thirties, and felt a little out of place amongst all the twentysomethings. Still, Kate noticed as she gazed out at the rest of the bar that she wasn't the only one, there were a handful of people her age clustered here and there around the tables and dancefloor. That made her feel better.

Her cellphone buzzed when her beer arrived. She glanced at the text message as she took a swig, not at all surprised to see it was from Lanie. For a brief moment, Kate contemplated inviting her friend to join her, but then shook her head, thinking better of the idea. Inviting Lanie came with certain strings attached that Kate did not want to deal with at present.

Lanie Parish had been her best friend for a long time, and wasn't afraid to be blunt with her. Whenever they went out for drinks, Lanie would inevitably bring the conversation around to men, and the lack thereof in Kate's life. Her last steady boyfriend had been Dr. Josh Davidson, and that had been several years ago. And the last actual date she'd been on had been rather disastrous.

In retrospect, she should have listened to Esposito's warnings about Eric Vaughn—the man was a notorious womanizer—and she should have heeded her own qualms about mixing business with pleasure, but Lanie had pressured her to 'just go for it, girl', constantly reminding Kate—in the middle of the case, no less—that it had been way too long since she'd had any action.

Vaughn had been suave and handsome. He was charming, and brazen in his actions, openly flirting with her from the start, despite the serious threat against his life. He was extremely confident in himself, and not afraid to assert how much he was attracted to her. She was ashamed that she let the flattery get to her. But it had been a while since a man had been so bold with her.

Much to her chagrin, Kate succumbed to his advances after the case had been wrapped up, believing his pretty and flowery words that he was interested in more than just a fling. But it had all been lies. All she ended up being was another notch in his bedpost. She even caught him bragging to his one business associates how easy it had been for him to nail her. It pissed her off. She'd allowed herself to open up and be vulnerable with him, and he'd just used her. That wasn't the woman she'd been or the woman she wanted to be.

The result had been a further entrenchment of the fortifications around her heart. She wouldn't let herself be used like that ever again. Which was why she was presently sitting alone at a bar crowded with people. Three men had approached her, but she quickly shut them down, not in the least bit interested, even if her heart—and body—craved companionship. The last man had been rather handsome, and she'd considered taking him home with her for a night of unrepentant passion, but beneath the beautiful surface was a frat boy mentality that Kate found very unappealing.

Kate ordered another beer and moved to a table in the back, content to just observe and people watch, living vicariously through the lives of others. As she nursed her latest bottle of beer, for the first time in a long while, Kate found herself thinking of Richard Castle.

At the start, he'd been just like Eric Vaughn, a self-absorbed, arrogant jackass. But unlike Vaughn, she hadn't given in to his charms. Now, with hindsight, as she thought back on the mystery writer, and in light of her experiences with Vaughn, Kate's opinion of her former shadow had changed. He really hadn't been that bad. Yes, he made it no secret that he wanted into her pants, but there had been more hidden beneath the playboy persona he projected. There was substance there, and to her endless regret, she'd been too scared to act on it when the opportunity had presented itself.

Not long after _Heat Wave_ , which had a main character loosely based on her, Castle had received an offer he couldn't refuse. However, it meant Nikki Heat would be a standalone book, which he'd insisted hadn't been his initial plans. She had mixed feelings about him departing. Over their brief time together, Kate had grown accustomed to his presence. And, though she'd never admit it back then, Castle had been very helpful with the cases they worked. So, when he left for London, to write about a certain British secret agent, it had been a rather bittersweet.

"You should've jumped him when you had the chance," Lanie had said the night after he'd left for good. Kate hadn't even tried to deny it, agreeing as she consoled herself with a generously filled glass of red wine.

Presently, Kate took a sip of beer and gazed out at the mingling twentysomethings, considering her options. What was she doing here? She didn't fit in with this crowd anymore. She'd much rather be back home, curled up on her sofa, watching an episode of _Temptation Lane_. Kate sighed, and drowned the last dregs of beer from the bottle before standing up, intent on leaving.

But as she did so, one of the men who had approached her earlier in the evening caught her wandering eyes and waved enthusiastically, obviously hoping that she'd changed her mind. The alcohol she had consumed had helped relax her, and she was more inclined to dance than she had been earlier. She still had no plans beyond that, but getting up and moving to the pulse of the music would be a pleasant diversion from her sad and lonely life. Besides, she had come here to celebrate. She might as well have some fun.

The man—Greg was his name—grinned when she joined him out on the floor, his expression showing that he was surprised. She smiled politely, a little surprised herself, and swayed her hips to the music. Taking her motions as permission, Greg placed his hands on her hips, his fingers tentatively brushing along the curve of her backside. Kate allowed it, draping her arms around his neck as they moved to the drumming beat of the music. He attempted conversation, but Kate wasn't interested in that. All she wanted to do was dance. It took him three songs to get the point, but eventually he shut up and just moved with her to the rhythm thumping out of the speakers.

After three more songs, Kate had had her fill and politely extricated herself from Greg's clingy hands. During the last song, he'd got a little bolder, palming her ass and squeezing it. When she stepped back when the music transitioned into a new song, he got angry, accusing her of leading him on. She flashed him a glare, the kind she used on suspects in the interrogation box, and he backed off, holding up his hands in apology at the misunderstanding, insisting it was all his fault.

Kate moved off the dancefloor, a little irritated by the way things had ended. It nearly soured the entire evening. She weaved through the mass of bouncing bodies, heading back in the direction of the bar. She pursed her lips, deciding to have one more drink before heading home and crashing on her sofa. This little trip hadn't exactly gone how she'd expected it would when she'd decided to 'celebrate' her captaincy, but oh well. At least she hadn't sulked home immediately afterwards.

There was a surge of revelers, and Kate smiled, finding the cheerful and happy attitude of the younger crowd infectious. The bodies parted for her, and she arrived at the bar, squeezing between a bubbly blonde and her would-be sugar daddy. The blonde pouted and made a whiny objection at being cut off from her catch, but Kate ignored her and ordered another beer.

"Beckett!?" exclaimed the prospective sugar daddy.

Her ears burned in recognition and her heart lurched in her chest. No. No. It couldn't be. She turned her head, and her mouth dropped down in a silent gasp as she came face to face with the busty blonde's mark. Out of all the places to run into him, it just had to be here.

"Castle!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Holding on Tonight**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 2**_

* * *

She stared at him. And he stared back at her. Both of them seemed to be equally shocked and stunned by this unexpected reunion. It had been several years since their parting, but as their eyes met, Kate couldn't help but acknowledge that the spark of attraction was still there. It was almost like no time had ever past. She couldn't help but stare at him, taking all of him in. With the exception of a few wrinkles and laugh lines around his eyes and mouth, he hadn't really changed that much. He was still, very much, ruggedly handsome.

Castle pursed his lips in a small, pleased smile, his eyes alight with eager joy. "You look good," he said after a long beat, the rich baritone of his voice filled with warmth and sincerity.

She returned his infectious smile, practically beaming. "So do you," said Kate, truly meaning it.

They lapsed into silence again, gazing at one another like nothing else in the world existed except them. No one had ever looked at her the way Castle had during their brief partnership nor how he was looking at her now. It made her heart clench with hopeful anticipation and her stomach went all aflutter with feelings she had long since suppressed and buried deep down.

However, the wonderful moment was interrupted by the busty blonde, who looked none too happy with Kate hording in on her potential catch. "Excuse me, but we were talking here," she all but growled.

Kate leaned back and cocked her head to the side, giving the blonde a look. The woman was either brave or stupid, because she ignored the flash of annoyance in Kate's eyes. The blonde haughtily nudged Kate aside and slipped closer to Castle, pressing her ample bosom against his side while flashing a glare in Kate's direction that said 'get your own, this one's mine!'. Satisfied that her message had been received, the blonde turned her attention back to Castle, wetting her red lips, and giving him a demure and sultry look.

"Why don't we go find a corner table? Get some privacy?" she purred in an attempt at a seductive voice.

Castle seemed entirely oblivious to the busty woman pressed up against him. His eyes had yet to leave Kate. All his focus was on her. It amazed Kate. This was not like the man-child she'd once known, who would have been lapping up the attention the bubbly blonde was giving him. Apparently, he'd grown up.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, that would be—"

His attention shifted for the first time, and he shook his head as he glanced down towards the blonde. "Not you," he said, politely. "Sorry, you seem nice and all… _Tracy_?"

"Daisy," she pouted, folding her arms under her breasts in a futile attempt to entice him with more cleavage. Castle, however, seemed immune to the trick, his eyes once again on Kate. It would seem that he only had eyes for her.

"Um, yeah, okay," he blinked, furrowing his brow, flashing Kate an apologetic look. He sighed, and turned back at the blonde. "Look, Daisy, you seem like a nice girl, but I'm sorry, I'm just not interested."

Daisy narrowed her eyes, glancing over her shoulder at Kate with a judgmental look. "Fine," she grumbled, clearly disgruntled. "Whatever. You're too old anyways." She flicked her eyes over to Kate. "He's all yours." And with that, she grabbed her appletini and swiftly made her departure, already on the hunt for another whale to catch.

An awkward silence fell over them in the wake of Daisy's exit. They stood there, shifting uncomfortably, avoiding each other's eyes. Castle was the one to break it, tilting his chin up to look at her once again.

"So…," he drawled out, uncharacteristically nervous. "Can I buy you a drink?"

XXX

Kate took a sip of the whiskey, pursing her lips and humming in approval as the alcohol burned down her throat, warming her insides and easing some of her nerves. She didn't know why she was so nervous. This was Richard _freaking_ Castle. Yes, he'd long been one of her favorite mystery novelist, but that was a moot point. He wasn't some vague semi-famous celebrity that she'd just randomly bumped in to. She knew him. She had worked with him, learned that there was more hidden beneath the playboy persona surface. She would have liked to have discovered more, but their time together had been cut brief when he'd left to write about a certain British secret agent.

He sat across from her, observing her with keen, knowing eyes. It was a little surreal, being with him again. When they'd parted ways after their last case together, Kate had honestly never expected to see him again. She was truly surprised by their encounter, more so that he happened to be patronizing the same bar that she was.

"How's Ryan and Esposito doing?" Castle opened their dialogue, going with the safe topic of the boys.

"Good," Kate nodded her head. "Ryan got married a few years back." She smiled, reminding the beautiful wedding. "Her name's Jenny. And they have a little girl now, Sarah Grace."

"That's great," Castle said, grinning widely. "Kevin always seemed the type to settle down." He paused, taking a sip of his brandy. "And Espo?"

"He's doing okay," Kate said with a shrug. "Lanie and him had this on again off again thing going for a while, but they called it quits not long ago."

"Ah, really, that's too bad," Castle said with a mild frown. "They would've had a great shipper name."

She furrowed her brow as she glanced at him with a puzzled look, her glass halfway to her mouth. "Huh?"

"We could have call them Esplaine!" he smirked with glee. "You know, because they're always _esplaining_ things."

Kate snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, really funny, Castle, how'd long that take you to come up with?"

"Not long at all," he insisted, still grinning, his eyes bright with mirth. "Just now." He tapped his temple. "I'm a pretty smart guy, don't you know?"

She gave him that, inclining her head and holding her glass up in acknowledgement. Castle smirk back at her, and clinked his glass against hers before taking a sip. She bit back a smile, and did the same. They lapsed in a more comfortable silence this time, each staring down at their drinks as they contemplated the next path of their conversation.

"Congratulations," Castle said, breaking the silence.

Kate flashed him a confused look.

"About the arrest," he elaborated. "William Bracken. Wow. I would never have guessed that."

"Yeah," she said, biting her pursing her lips as she nursed her drink, her chest clenching with emotion. For some reason, Kate thought he'd been referring to her recent promotion, but of course he hadn't. Even during their brief partnership, her mother's case had played a large part. She'd almost kicked him out after he'd dug into it, but he managed to weasel his way back in just before he then left for good.

"I… I wished I could have been there," Castle asserted, letting out a breath of disappointment. Kate bit her tongue, having almost blurted out _me too_ , before he continued. "It must have been quite something. I remember seeing it on TV. It made the news, even overseas in London."

"I would imagine, yes," Kate inclined her head, pausing to take another drink, her chest still tight. She didn't know why it was so difficult for her to talk about. Arresting William Bracken for ordering her mother's death, along with many others, should have been cathartic, helping to release all the weight she'd carried for so many years. But, oddly, it hadn't. She still felt weighed down by her mother's death. Still struggling to be more than that.

"She's proud of you," said Castle, snapping her back to the present. Her eyes jerked up to his, warm and reassuring. "Wherever she is, she's proud."

She smiled softly at him. "Thanks," she inclined her head. "I hope so."

"She is," he insisted, reaching out across the table to grab her hand and give her a comforting squeeze.

Her breath caught, and she stared down at their joined hands. A jolt went through her veins, and Kate just froze. Her pulse quickened as her mind worked to reign in her body's instant reaction to his touch. She heaved in a deep breath and forced her eyes up, meeting his heartfelt gaze.

"I mean it," he said.

She smiled, again, this time with more genuine emotion behind it. "Thank you, Castle."

He offered her one final squeeze, before withdrawing his hand. She curled her fingers around the glass and took a generous sip of her whiskey, relishing the burn. She swallowed, and pursed her lips, averting her eyes.

"So I hear you've made captain," Castle said, on a lighter note. "How's that going?"

Kate brought her eyes back up, seeing the pride in his eyes. It stunned her, how much that pleased her. She had only really known him for a year, if even that, yet his excitement for her career success meant more to her than she thought it would.

"Actually, today was my first day," she revealed with a tight expression.

"Really!?" hooted Castle with a delighted grin. "Then this calls for a celebration!" He stood up abruptly. "Here, let me get us a refill."

And he was off before she could protest.

Kate arched her neck and watched him wade through the revelers on the dancefloor, weaving his way back towards the bar. Her eyebrows knitted together as she leaned back, welcoming the intermission, which provided her with an opportunity to sort some thoughts out. Richard Castle was back, and she was sharing drinks with him. And, for some reason, it almost felt like they were on a date, despite their conversation topics.

Kate scrubbed a hand down her face. Wow. She was still a little stunned. This was definitely not how she pictured her evening going. She smirked, imagining Lanie's reaction when she informed her friend about her chance encounter with the mystery novelist. Her nose wrinkled, though, when another idea popped into her mind. Perhaps this was the universe's way of offering her an opportunity to repair some of her past regrets. Castle was back in New York, and from his easy dismissal of the busty blonde, she could only infer that meant he might still be interested in her. And if that were the case, then perhaps her lonely nights might just become a thing of the past.

Castle rejoined her presently, handing her a new glass of brandy, matching his own. "Try this, you'll like it," he said with a smirk and waggle of his eyebrows as he slipped back down into the chair opposite her.

She took a tentative sip and raised her eyebrows, impressed. "Wow, that's nice!"

"Told you," he smiled happily, leaning back to take a drink himself. He smacked his lips in approval, and Kate found herself staring, wondering how his lips would feel against hers.

She shook her head, too soon to be thinking such thoughts. Or was it? Kate shifted in her chair, knitting her eyebrows together as she tried to reconcile her battling emotions. Leave it to Castle to get her all confused like this. He excelled at it. It was one of the things that had both annoyed and attracted her during their brief partnership. Castle raised his glass, toasting her promotion. They clinked glasses and drank.

Soon they slipped into some easy, light conversation, catching up on news about family and friends. Martha and Alexis were doing great. His mother had recently opened an off Broadway one woman show, while his daughter was in her third year at Stanford. Kate filled Castle in on some of the more interesting cases during the past few years that she knew he'd find fascinating.

"I missed that," he said when she finished her last retelling. "Shadowing you, helping to solve a murder. And it just wasn't about the inspiration and research. We were doing good, really helping people find closure and providing some justice."

She nodded. "Yeah, we did do that," agreed Kate. And then added, "And you were often more help than I let on."

He grinned, his eyes sparkling with glee. "Really! You're not just pulling my leg?"

"Yes, really," she confirmed, shaking her head at his delighted reaction. "Though, don't let it go to your head. Your ego's big enough as it is."

Castle chuckled at that, low and rich. She bit her lower lip as she leaned back in her chair. They fell into a comfortable silence, watching the people out on the dance floor.

"I'm sorry about the books," Kate spoke up, smiling softly with a truly apologetic look. "For what it's worth, I enjoyed them."

Castle nodded slowly, smiling somberly. "Thanks," he said. He scraped his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, that really didn't go as planned."

Kate nodded, understanding his disappointment in the lackluster reviews and sales of his three James Bond books. They hadn't been his best books, but they'd still been good. Yet, even though she had liked them, there had been a lack of that special touch that made all his previous books uniquely Rick Castle.

"It was different," he conceded with a frown. "With Derrick Storm and Nikki Heat, I had complete autonomy. They were mine, my creations. But it was different Bond. It was like writing a book with a committee. I was restrained, limited in what I could do—was _allowed_ to do." He shook his head. "It just sapped out the pleasure of writing."

"I'm sorry," Kate said, again, not knowing what else to say. "I remember how excited you were when you got the offer."

"I was thrilled, yes," he agreed, bobbing his head. "James Bond has always been one of my favorite characters. Casino Royale was one of the first books that I truly got into. Reading it helped made me want to be a writer."

"Do you regret it?" Kate asked after a beat. "Accepting the offer?"

Castle leaned back in his chair, pursing his lips as he mulled over his answer. "Perhaps, maybe… I don't know," he shrugged, slumping forward. He took another sip of his brandy. "Writing for James Bond was a once in a lifetime opportunity, but… it really wasn't as fun as I'd hoped it would be. Honestly," he hesitated for a second, glancing at her with a slightly apprehensive look, "I kind of wish I'd declined the deal, and stuck with Nikki Heat."

He looked at her then, his eyes saying more than his words. She knew what he really meant. He wished he'd stuck with her. Kate ducked her head down, almost bashfully. She pursed her lips and knitted her eyebrows together as she thought. It was getting late, but she didn't want to say goodbye yet. An idea struck her then, one she never would have acted upon back during their partnership.

"Hey, Castle," she said, pulling back his attention. He hummed in response, gazing at her questioningly. "You wanna get out of here?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Holding on Tonight**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 3**_

* * *

"Wine?" Kate asked after letting him in, undoing her ponytail and letting her hair fall naturally down around her shoulders as she dropped her keys in the small bowl on top of the credenza by the front door. She arched her neck and glanced back at him, raising her eyebrows in question as she took her fashionable overcoat off, casually tossing it on the coat hanger.

"Sure, that sounds nice," Castle agreed with a nod, closing the door behind him as he took a few tentative steps over the threshold, entering her apartment.

Kate pursed her lips, finding his reaction to entering her apartment highly amusing. He was moving cautiously, quietly, as if he'd just stepped on to hallowed ground. Shaking her head, Kate bit her lower lip and made her way towards the small kitchen. Not knowing what else to do, Castle followed after her, much like he had when he'd been her shadow. The thought brought a smile to her lips. Kate hadn't realized just how much she'd missed him until tonight, when she'd bumped into him at the bar.

It was certainly helping to make her evening less dull, which it normally would be. And if she hadn't decided to 'celebrate' her first day of being captain, then it would have been that.

As she opened her refrigerator and selected a yet unopened bottle of red wine, Kate stamped down the beaming smile that wanted out. Her heart beat profoundly beneath her chest as a feeling of pride pumped through her veins, fueling her confidence. She had surprised herself, inviting him back to her place. Kate had many regrets in her life, but encountering Richard Castle tonight had presented her with the opportunity to get a second chance at fixing one of those regrets.

Pirouetting around, Kate offered Castle a wide smile. "Red okay?"

He inclined his head. "Where do you keep the glasses?" he asked, eager to assist.

"In the cabinet behind you," she jerked her chin.

"Ah, yes," he declared, turning around and opening the cabinet, revealing a set of wine glasses. He retrieved two and followed her out into the living room, where she waited for him to join her.

Kate popped the cork, and set the bottle down on the coffee table, giving the wine a few minutes to breathe before pouring. She sat down on the sofa, and waited. Castle removed his coat, draping it over the back of the sofa, before joining her, sitting down somewhat awkwardly, obviously unsure where exactly he should sit. He eventually settled for the opposite end of the sofa, much to Kate's disappointment. She was hoping this could be a new start for them, but apparently, some of their previous history was having an unwelcomed effect on this encounter.

"Nice place," Castle commented after a lengthy interval of silence. He glanced around, taking in her bohemian décor and various knickknacks scattered throughout. Naturally, the bookshelf caught his eye and he stared long and hard at it, clearly searching for a few particular titles.

"They're in my bedroom," Kate informed him with a shy smile. He jerked his head back around and looked at her, eyes wide, as if she'd just caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. "I have another bookshelf there, and that's where I keep them. All of them."

"All?" he gulped, staring at her like she'd grown a second head.

Kate laughed at him. "Yes," she said, eyes sparkling, finding amusement in his astonished expression. "Come now, Castle, I thought we established long ago that I'm secretly a huge fan."

Castle licked his lips and grinned back at her. "Yeah, I guess," he shrugged. "I just never thought you'd admit it out loud."

She shrugged back. "Maybe I've changed."

"Maybe," he concurred, glancing at her with an intrigued lift of his eyebrows.

In her estimation, enough time had passed for the wine to properly breathe. So, Kate leaned forward, picking the bottle up and pouring the rich, red liquid into the two glasses. "Here you go," she handed him one as she lifted the other up and took a sip. She licked her lips and hummed in approval. The wine had a nice rich body, and was one of her favorites.

"Good," said Castle with a nod, lightly smacking his lips together as he savored the flavor.

Kate found her eyes riveted on his lips, once again pondering how it would feel to have their mouths pressed together. A blush heated her cheeks, and she ducked her head down, hoping her hair would conceal her face long enough for her to regain control.

After two more sips of wine, Castle eased back into the cushions, relaxing more. He gazed at her with a curious expression.

"Mind if I ask you something?" he questioned, hesitant.

"Please do," Kate said, encouraging.

"How'd you do it?"

"Huh?"

"Bracken?" he elaborated. "How did you find out it was him?"

She took a long swallow of her wine, and then chewed on her lower lip. That was not what she'd been expecting. Kate didn't know what she thought he'd asked, but it was definitely not that. She sat up, her back going ramrod straight as she placed her glass down on the coffee table. She folded her legs under her and adjusted her position on the sofa as she mulled over her answer, and just how much she was willing to reveal at this point in their reunion. There were still somethings she kept tight and close to the vest, things that she'd yet to discuss with any, including her father, except for with her therapist.

Castle wrinkled his nose, and waved his hand in dismissal. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he assured her. "We can talk about—"

"Roy betrayed me," she blurted out, interrupting him.

Castle sat frozen in place, eyes wide with shock. He stared at her, unable to move. "What!?"

"It's a long story," she said, a little quietly, ducking her head down and taking another deep gulp of wine to calm her nerves.

"I've got the time, tell me," he persisted. But then he hesitated, gauging her body language with scrutinizing eyes. "Unless you don't—"

Kate shook her head, interrupting him yet again. "It's okay," she said. "I want to tell you." She adjusted herself on the cushions, turning to face him, now sitting cross-legged on the sofa.

Pursing her lips, she swallowed past the buildup of dark emotions that always seemed to emerge whenever she discussed her mother's case. She had thought arresting Bracken would have relieved that, but it hadn't. Her entire adult life had been defined by her mother's death, and there was a part of her that didn't know what to do now that she'd solved it. That's why she took the captain's exam when Captain Gates suggested it.

"About two months after you left, we caught a case where a young man had been stabbed to death," she said. "Lanie asked a forensic pathologist to analyze the body. Turns out he'd seen similar stab wounds in another case." She paused for a beat before confirming the obvious. "My mother's."

"Clark Murray?" Castle asked.

Kate nodded. "He is widely regarded as the best forensic pathologist in New York."

"Yes, know. I sought his advice on details for numerous books," Castle recalled, a tight grin forming on his lips as he remembered one request that had Murray cocking his head and looking at him like he was insane. "This one time, I asked him on the effects of putting a human head in a microwave." He chuckled softly as he shook his head, then frowned. "I can't seem to remember which book that was for."

Kate stared at Castle for a long interval, waiting for him to stop talking. When he noticed her gaze, his eyes went wide as realization struck.

"Oh shit!" he hissed, suddenly remembering. He moved forward, holding up his hands in supplication. "Shit, shit. I'm sorry. So sorry. I totally forgot I asked for his advice on your mother's case. I'm sorry."

"Castle," Kate shushed, raising a hand to ward off his apologizes. "It's okay. I'm okay. It was a long time ago. Besides, his analysis was able to open up some new leads."

"It did?" he asked, sitting back, watching her expectantly.

Kate nodded. "The victim he came in to examine on Lanie's request, well… it turned out it was the same killer," she paused for a beat. "Also turned out to be his brother. Dick Coonan. He was a hired gun. He killed my mom and some of her colleagues for some unnamed employer."

"Who you eventually learned was Bracken," Castle filled in.

"Yes," she confirmed. "But that was much later."

Castle furrowed his brow, looking thoughtful. "How does this lead to Montgomery betraying you?"

Kate took a deep breath. It was difficult to think of that time, when she'd discovered how deep her former captain had been in the conspiracy surrounding her mother's murder. She took a sip of wine to fortify her before she informed Castle about everything that had happened with Roy Montgomery, ending with his last stand in the New Jersey airplane hangar.

"He sacrificed himself in a futile attempt to save me," Kate said, feeling her eyes start to water. She still missed him, despite everything that had gone down. Roy Montgomery had been more than just her superior. He had been a mentor and a second father figure. He'd helped shape her into the cop she was today. She would always be indebted to him for that. "It felt like such a waste, still does," she admitted quietly, taking another sip of wine.

"I'm sorry," Castle said softly, reaching across the distance between them to clasp her hand, squeezing her hand comfortingly.

She squeezed his hand back, offering him a watery smile. It felt good to be talking about this. Kate hadn't realized how much she'd kept bottled up until now. And Castle was always such a good listener, that is, when he wasn't talking. She squeezed his hand one last time before letting go and leaning back, wiping at her eyes.

"I gave the eulogy at his funeral," she went on, coming to the hard part. "And I was shot."

"Whoa! What!?" he yelped, causing her to jerk with his loud and sudden exclamation.

She startled and glanced at him with big eyes. He gazed back, a stunned and perplexed look covering his ruggedly handsome features.

"When was this?"

"Um," Kate shifted anxiously, this wasn't really something she liked to talk about. She brushed her hair back, tucking a few stray strands behind her ear. About three years ago."

Castle frowned, staring off into space. He looked almost angry. Worried, Kate tentatively reached out to touch his shoulder. He flinched, like a startled deer, turning his large eyes to her.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted after a beat.

"That's okay," she asserted, offering him a reassuring smile. "You don't have to say anything."

His eyebrows knitted together. "It feels like I should," he insisted.

"But you don't," Kate assured, leaning back. "It happened, and I survived. Obviously." She tried to inject some humor into that last part, but, judging by his reaction, she couldn't tell if it had worked.

He nodded solemnly, conceding to her point. They sat in silence for a while after that. She refilled her glass, and gently nursed it, allowing Castle the time he required to absorb this information.

"Where?" he blurted out, glancing at her, his eyes roaming her body, searching.

Part of her wished she hadn't told him. She didn't want him looking at her like that, with pity. When his eyes roamed over her body, she wanted it to be with lust, not… not that. She shifted uneasily. The scars had faded with time, but she was still a little self-conscious about them. After a moment's hesitation, Kate sighed. If she wanted this new beginning to go where she wanted it to, he'd eventually learn anyways. Might as well be now, when she had more control over it.

"My chest," she said, reaching up to place her hand between her breasts.

"Fuck," Castle cursed, shaking his head. "That… that must have been a grueling recovery."

"It was," she affirmed. "But I made it through it. I survived."

Castle sat back, scrubbing his hand down his face as he took in this latest information. Kate bit her lower lip and frowned. When she'd invited him back to her apartment, this was not what she had in mind. But, she had to admit, nothing was ever really easy with them. They seemed destined to take the long route towards each other.

Kate pursed her lips, not entirely certain as where to continue.

"You're extraordinary," Castle declared, turning to gaze at her with such adoration and reverence that it made her breath catch in her throat. There was just something about the way he looked at her that made her heart swell with all the possibilities. "You really are," he went on, shifting ever so closer. "You are, without a doubt, the most amazing woman I have ever met, and I wish… I wish I'd never accepted the Bond offer. Writing Nikki Heat… when I think back on it, besides Alexis's birth, that was one of the best moments in my life."

That truly left her speechless. She really didn't know what to say in response to that. Her eyes locked with his, and they simply stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. It was almost magnetic. Kate wondered if this was it, was this the moment Richard Castle finally kissed her?

"Kate," he licked his lips anxiously, "I was thinking—"

But then a shrill sound interrupted them. Kate grimaced, recognizing her ringtone. She held up a hand, silently pleading with him to hold that thought. She very much wanted him to finish that sentence, but with her duties as captain, she couldn't avoid the call. He nodded in understanding, pulling away from her and leaning back into the sofa as she stretched forward and snatched up her phone, checking to see if it was a call she could ignore.

 _Damn_ , it wasn't.

Kate glanced up at him with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I gotta take this," she said, hurriedly. "Just… one moment." She made to stand, but stopped, sinking back down on the cushions, glancing back at him with a broad smile. "Hey, Castle?"

"Hmm?"

"You're not that bad yourself," she finished with a wink, before standing up and strolling towards the kitchen as she answered the incoming call.


	4. Chapter 4

**Holding on Tonight**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 4**_

* * *

Kate returned from the kitchen while switching her phone to vibrate, and paused, frowning as she observed Rick Castle standing up and shrugging his jacket on. He glanced up at her and smiled softly.

"Guess I should get out of your hair now," he said.

Her brow furrowed even further. "Why?"

"Um," he stared at her, confused. "Don't you have to leave now? Head out to some crime scene?"

Kate pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose. She shook her head and simply said, "No."

Castle just stood there, looking utterly lost. "I… don't understand? Wasn't that the precinct?"

"Yes, it was," Kate confirmed, walking back into the living room. "But I'm not going anywhere." She sat back down on the sofa, patting the cushion beside her, silently asking him to join her. An amused grin touched her lips. "Come on, Castle. I'm captain now. I can delegate."

A delighted smile brightened Castle's features, and he hurriedly removed his jacket, returning it to its previous resting place, draped over the back of the sofa. He plopped down beside her, positively giddy. Kate bit her lower lip, pleased with his reaction to her staying. Yes, normally she would have gone out, even at this late hour. But then again, she didn't normally have company over. Delegating duties to her senior detectives was a benefit of her new position Kate had never really considered using, until she'd bumped into Castle. She didn't want anything to mess up their reunion. Having a second chance to get it right with him was not something she was going to let slip by her.

"More wine?" Castle inquired, reaching for the bottle.

"Please," Kate nodded, holding up her glass.

Castle filled hers and refilled his own. Done, he held up his glass for a toast.

"To new beginnings," he declared after a brief pause.

"New beginnings," she echoed, clinking her glass with his.

Kate took a sip, keeping her eyes on him. Licking her lips, she took a moment to savor the rich flavor of the wine before returning to their conversation. She didn't want to spend too long on it, as she was hoping they could get up to other things this evening, but she could tell from Castle's expression that he was still curious. That was something she'd always loved about him, his desire to know the whole story. They were alike in that way.

"I suppose you're still interested in how I took down Bracken," she said, not really phrasing it like a question, rather stating it as fact.

Castle bobbed is head. "But only if you want to," he asserted, not pressing.

"It's okay," she told him, waving a hand to dismiss his polite offer. "It's good to talk about it." She paused to take a fortifying sip of wine. "The sniper that shot me got away. All we got was the rifle, which really wasn't that much help in giving us any suspects, since it had been stolen from the U.S. Military during Operation Enduring Freedom."

"And this didn't interest the military at all?" Castle asked, a little surprised.

Kate shook her head. "Apparently, it happens more often than they'd like to admit," she said with a grimace. "All they could tell us was the name of the serviceman who had been issued the weapon. But he had been killed in action." She paused, and shifted, pulling her feet up under her so she could turn her body to fully face Castle. She knitted her eyebrows together as she mulled over the next part of the story. "Before he was killed, Montgomery sent some files to a former associate. Some lawyer named Michael Smith. When I returned to work after my recovery, he contacted me, warning me to back down."

"I'd wager that didn't sit well with you," Castle hazard with a half smirk.

She bit her lower lip as she stared back at him, nodding in confirmation. "You know me so well, Castle," she said. "Which shouldn't surprise me, really, but it does."

"Considering how long it's been?" he questioned.

Kate inclined her head a bit. "That, yes, and because I really wasn't that open with you back then," she admitted. "I probably never would have told you this if you'd stayed around, but you actually captured me quite well with Nikki Heat."

Castle raised his glass in thanks, his eyes gleaming with gratitude, genuinely pleased with her assessment of her fictional alter-ego.

"Still not happy about that name, though," she quickly interjected, not wanting him to get too full of himself.

His eyes came alight with mirth. "If I recall, you thought it sounded like a stripper name," he said.

"Still do," she insisted.

He grinned, and she grinned back. They simply stared at one another for a long beat, remembering the book launch party for _Heat Wave_. She couldn't speak for him, but Kate was thinking about how it could have been so different if they hadn't become snippy with one another. She hadn't meant half the things she'd said to him then. No one could have written Nikki Heat like he had. No one. And his dedication… even now, after all this time, that dedication still meant so very much to her.

"Perhaps I'll revive her," Castle considered, cocking his head to the side as he narrowed his eyes in thought. "After all," he continued, turning back to look at her with warm and adoring eyes. "I have my muse back."

"Do you?" she questioned with a teasing smirk. "Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you, Castle?"

"Oh, I don't know," he rolled his shoulders nonchalantly, taking a sip of his wine and bobbing his head in approval at the flavor. " _You_ invited me back to your place, and I'm presently relaxing on _your_ sofa while enjoying a very good bottle of wine." He flashed her his most winningest of smiles. "If I was a gambling man, which I am, I'd say it's a pretty safe bet I'll regain my muse by the end of the evening."

"So very sure of yourself," she commented, ducking her head down to hide her smile.

"Yes, yes I am," he grinned smugly, leaning back into the cushions and taking a sip of his wine.

She shook her head, not willing to concede, though inside she was ecstatic. Never in her life, would Kate have thought she'd actually be happy to once again be considered Richard Castle's muse. Once had seemed like enough. But after spending all these years without him, feeling regret for not acting upon feelings she'd developed, Kate was actually quite happy with the notion. She'd happily be his muse again, and this time, hopefully, she'll be able to inspire him in other ways that didn't involve grizzly murder cases.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, each enjoying the wine while observing one another. Kate decided to break it, knowing she needed to finish her tale before they could move onto much more enjoyable things, at least that was her hope for the evening.

"It was an accident," she announced, and then elaborated, "discovering Bracken's connection to my mother's death."  
"How so?" Castle sobered immediately, shifting to watch her intently.

"We found the guy who shot me," she said. "Cole Maddox. He was a mercenary. Killed a former gangbanger who he paid to break into Montgomery's house."

"Let me guess, he was looking for those files Mr. Smith mentioned," Castle surmised.

Kate nodded. "Yep," she said. "So, the boys managed to track him to a hotel. I wanted to go after him, but Captain Gates—she replaced Montgomery at the Twelfth—found out about it, and Maddox's connection to my shooting, so she benched me."

"But that didn't stop you," Castle remarked with a knowing grin.

"Espo and I went after Maddox," she confirmed. "Ryan… bless him, he was worried. He knew it was dangerous and tried to talk us out of it, but I was just so blinded I couldn't see it." She paused and sighed, taking a long gulp of wine, welcoming the burn of it going down her throat as she swallowed. "Maddox was waiting for us, easily got the drop on Espo, and knocked him out. I chased him up to the roof."

She shook her head, thinking back on that rooftop fight. "I was such a fool, Castle," Kate admitted in a quiet voice. "I thought I could take on a fully trained assassin all by myself. But I couldn't. He tossed me around like a ragdoll. I almost died. If it wasn't for Ryan giving us up to Gates, I don't think I'd have survived."

"Thank God for Ryan and his conscience," Castle said.

"Yes," she agreed, echoing his sentiments. "Thank God for Ryan." Kate paused, taking a breath, before meeting Castle's eyes. "Back at the precinct, Gates tore into me and Esposito. Suspended us. My anger got the better of me, and I verbally resigned, tossing my shield down on her desk."

Castle sat up straighter, clearly surprised by her admission. She understood his astonishment at her actions. In retrospect, so was she. Kate loved her job. But when it came to her mother's case, Kate was now willing to admit that she had tunnel vision. It almost cost her life, not once, but twice, and she had still been undeterred. She just didn't care. Her mother's death had become more important to her than her own life. Which wasn't what she wanted anymore. She wanted to be more than that. She wanted to live. And to live meant more than just eating and breathing.

Her eyes flicked to Castle, and she held her breath as the thought came, unbidden, to the forefront of her mind.

She _wanted_ him.

"What happened?" he asked, frowning. "You obviously must have got your job back."

Kate nodded. "Yeah, I did," she said. "Gates knew I was acting rashly and didn't accept my resignation." She grew quiet, putting her glass down, and folding her hands in her lap before continuing. "But what happened next was what gave me the ammunition to go after Bracken."

Castle perked up, obviously intrigued.

"After storming out of her office, I just wanted to get out of there," Kate explained. "I grabbed my bag and just started shoving my stuff into it." She paused, and twisted her torso around, gesturing towards a shelf behind her that held some of her trinkets.

Castle tilted his head, glancing towards the ceramic parade of elephants resting in front of a collection of books. "I remembered those," he said, his nose wrinkling in thought. "Didn't you have them on your desk?"

"Yes," she confirmed, pursing her lips. "When I was hastily packing up my things after I resigned, I accidently knocked them off the edge of my desk. I thought I'd broken them, but I hadn't. A hidden compartment had snapped open, revealing a mini-cassette tape. And on that recording was William Bracken, confessing, not just to ordering my mother's death, but several others as well."

"Shit," Castle hissed. "And all that time, it was right there, in front of you, the entire time."

"Yeah, tell me about," Kate said, reaching out for her wine to a long gulp. "So that's pretty much it," she finished. "There's some more to it, like convincing Smith to hand over the files he had, but really… that's about it. That's how I did."

Castle pursed his lips and nodded. She leaned back and released a breath, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders that she hadn't been aware was there. Talking about what happened actually helped a lot, more than she'd thought it would. Suddenly she felt lighter… freer. It was an odd sort of feeling.

"So, that was that," she said, wrapping it up. "How about you? How was London?"

"London?" echoed Castle, appearing a little caught off guard. "Fine. It was fine." He hastily took another sip of his wine.

Kate arched an eyebrow at him, giving him a judgmental look that went along the lines of 'I showed you mine, now it's your turn'. Castle's eyebrows knitted together and he stared off into space.

"I thought it would be an adventure," he confessed at length. He rolled his shoulders and exhaled slowly. "Living there, where James Bond originated from, well, I assumed it would provide me with inspiration. But, it didn't. Not really. Visiting all those castles and museum was fun and all, but it just… felt hollow somehow." He glanced at her and shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

"Perhaps you were lonely," she offered, gazing at him with large, sympathetic eyes.

"I suppose so, yes," he agreed after some thought. He gazed down at his wine glass and then back up at her. "I missed you."

His bluntness startled her. She hadn't expected him to come right out and say it. Not wanting to give away anything, Kate reclined back into the cushions and offered him a taunting smirk.

"You did?"

"Yes," he nodded, firmly. "I know I was a pain in the ass, but I enjoyed following, learning about your process, watching—and helping—you bring justice to others while it was still out of reach for yourself." He paused, putting his empty glass down on the coffee stable. "To be honest, I wish I'd never left. Leaving New York, putting Nikki Heat aside, was the worst decision I've ever made. If I could do it all over again, I'd do it differently."

"Doesn't mean anything would have changed," Kate pointed out. Everything that had happened over the past few years could have turned out exactly how they had. Even with Castle's presence in her life, Kate doubted her choices would have changed much. She had been so closed off, and focused inward, still was in some respects.

"I know," Castle acknowledged. "But… I just wished."  
"Dwelling on the past can't change it, Castle," Kate told him. 'What matters is _now_ , the present, and the future you want."

He nodded. "The future I want," he repeated, knitting his eyebrows together as he glanced down, mulling over that thought.

Kate adjusted her position on the sofa and observed him, trying to pick up on his body language. Her ability to read people was one of the things that made her such a good interrogator. But, right now, she was having trouble reading Castle. He was a mystery to her.

He pursed his lips and swallowed, seeming to come to a decision. He sat up, wringing his hands together nervously as he glanced at her. "You know what I thought when I first met you?"  
"Hmm?" she hummed in response, brushing some hair back as she raised her eyes to meet his.

He licked his lips, and continued, somewhat cautiously. "That you were a mystery that I was never gonna solve," Castle said. "Even now, after all this time apart, seeing you again, talking with you… I'm… I'm still amazed at the depth of your strength, your heart… and your hotness." His voice grew more teasing with that last part, but she could tell from the gleaming adoration shining out of his eyes that it wasn't all a joke. He meant it, every word.

Kate smiled back at him, keeping his gaze, letting him see the same affection reflecting back. It was almost like no time had passed. For some inexplicable reason, her feelings seemed just as strong now as they had before he'd left. She couldn't explain it, but for the first time in her adult life, Kate Beckett felt more certain than she ever had. Her eyes flicked down to his lips before returning to meet his. Castle moved closer, his gaze growing heated. Kate drew her lower lip under her teeth, anticipation mounting. Her entire body seemed to be vibrating with excitement about what she so very hoped was about to happen.

Castle lifted a hand up, tentatively brushing his fingertips along her jaw, reverent and tender. "I'm going to kiss you now," he asserted.

"Please do," she exhaled, breath hot and wanting.

And then his mouth was on hers, stealing her breath and seizing her heart.


	5. Chapter 5

_***Author's Note: I consider the first part of this chapter to be rated a very hard T. In my opinion, it doesn't cross over into M-Rated territory, but might straddle the border just a bit. Hope you all enjoy.**_

* * *

 **Holding on Tonight**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 5**_

* * *

"Ouch!" Castle grunted, his hip colliding with the doorjamb.

Kate reached out with her hand and soothed the abused spot, shushing quietly as she pushed up on her toes to silence his groan with a kiss. Flirting her tongue across the seal of his lips, she deepened their embrace, pressing her body up into his. Castle's large hands found purchase on her slender hips, his fingers curling into her, tugging her closer. A moan tumbled out of her mouth as his hands moved further around, cupping her ass, squeezing, kneading the toned flesh.

"Bed," she bit out, pulling back for a quick breath before diving right back in, claiming his mouth as he had claimed hers out on the sofa. Her heart was jackhammering beneath her breast. If she didn't know any better, she'd think it might just burst out of her chest.

"Yeah, yeah," Castle agreed, bobbing his head enthusiastically, sliding his hands down the curve of her ass and grabbing the back of her thighs, hefting her up. Kate grinned, a light laugh escaping her lips as she wrapped her legs around his middle, clinging onto him like a koala.

She snagged the lobe of his right ear with her teeth, and he groaned, nearly faltering as he turned them about, carefully navigating the doorway.

"To the left," she whispered in a husked voice as she withdrew, teasing him with the flick of her tongue.

Castle let out a shuddering groan. "So hot," he mouthed, finding hers again as he carried them over the threshold and into her bedroom.

They stumbled and tumbled around, Castle's grip on her tightening almost painfully as they spun around ungainly before crashing down onto her mattress with a decidedly amusing bounce. They shared an almost delirious laugh, but soon succumbed once more to the magnetic pull of each other's mouths. Kate sucked on his bottom lip and gripped at his dress shirt, wanting it gone. She wanted to feel him beneath her fingers, bare and exposed. Her insides roiled with raw want and need. She had never been more turned on than she was at this moment.

Castle slanted his mouth over hers, stealing her breath and capturing her beating heart all over again. His hand skimmed down her body, cupping her breast through her blouse, expertly kneading and rolling the soft flesh in his palm, his thumb flicking out to tease her, making her insides go molten hot with want.

"Castle," she keened, arching into him, wanting so much more.

He continued his invasion of her mouth, slipping his tongue through the barrier of her lips as his hand traveled down, over her undulating stomach and towards her center. He cupped her through her work slacks, and she hissed in pleasure. Her cheeks warmed as Castle released her mouth, tilting his head to glanced down, watching as her hips jerked, arching up into his hand.

Kate bit her lower lip and rolled her hips, desiring that pleasurable friction. She couldn't believe the reaction she was having right now. But then again, it had been too long since a capable man had touched her like this. And Castle definitely knew what he was doing.

After a brief pause, Castle renewed his assault on her mouth. Kate responded in kind, kissing him back with relish, delighting in the play of his fingers across her center. She ground her hips down into his hand, nipping at his lips and silently pleading for more. Castle smirked into her mouth, and moved, dropping wet kisses down her cheek and jaw, latching onto the pulse point along the column of her throat. Kate threw her head back, providing him with more access.

Meanwhile, his talented fingers started working at the button and clasp of her slacks. Kate was amazed at his ability to multitask. His mouth never wavered or ceased in its marvelous attention to detail along her jaw and throat. It wasn't long until he had her slacks undone, and was slipping his hand beneath the waistband of her panties, finding her warm and wanting.

He grinned into her shoulder, pulling back to look at her with an almost smug grin. He waggled his eyebrows and then dived right back in, curling his fingers at just the right spot to have her lifting her hips up off the mattress and gasping his name. He worked her good. His eyes watching and observing her every reaction to his ministrations.

"You're extraordinary," he breathed out, his voice filled with awe.

Kate reached up and caressed the side of his face, curling her fingers along the curve of his neck. "So are you," she replied, tugging him back down, taking his mouth with hers, giving back just as much as he gave.

She wasted no more time, and immediately started tugging and pulling at his clothing, wanting nothing more than to feel his skin against hers. Castle assaulted her mouth with vigor, claiming her as she claimed him in return. He was hers. And she was his. They belonged to one another. Soon his hands joined hers in their naughty endeavor. He shoved her slacks and panties down, while she practically ripped his dress shirt open. Castle hastily fumbled with the buttons of her blouse, and Kate unbuckled his belt and undid the fastening of his trousers, slipping a hand beneath the waistband of his boxers to ensnare the length of his arousal in her nimble fingers.

He choked out a curse and Kate grinned wickedly, both pleased and triumphant. She nibbled at his jaw and throat as she worked him up, up, up, bringing him to full and complete standing. Castle groaned, dropping his head down, eyes tightly closed.

"Kate, oh… Oh, Kate," he breathed out, his hot breath mingling with hers as she tilted her chin up and met his mouth in a fervent and enthusiastic kiss.

After withdrawing back for air, Kate gazed up into his eyes. Castle stared right back. A silent form of communication passed between them, a mutual longing and want, shared feelings and desires. Castle shifted above her, and gently brushed her wild hair back from her face. He smiled softly, tender and loving. It wasn't something she expected to see from him so soon. Nonetheless, she reciprocated, offering him a similar look in return. He dipped his head down, pressing a kiss to her lips that spoke far more than any words ever could.

And then, together, they silently divested each other of their remaining clothing until they were both completely and utterly naked. Mouths fused, and hands clasped and caressed, exploring all the new uncharted territory as their bodies became entwined in an intimate dance. Kate threw her head back and cried out in pure, undiluted pleasure as they finally connected. She clutched at him as he began to move above her, swaying and rocking her body in time with the rhythm of his.

It was wonderful. It was amazing. It was everything she had thought and hoped it would be and more. So much more.

XXX

She reclined back against the cushions and pillows on her rumpled bed, releasing a satisfied sigh as she turned onto her side and curled her still slick body up against the solid warmth of Castle's broader frame. He hummed approvingly, shifting to accommodate her approach, slipping an arm around her, and lazily coasting his fingertips up and down the curve of her spine. She smiled, almost shyly, which was utterly ridiculous considering they were both stark naked, not to mention the two rounds of vigorous and frenetic lovemaking they had just partaken in.

"We should have done that years ago," Castle breathed out, a dopey, happy grin plastered all over his ruggedly handsome features.

Kate arched her neck to gaze up at him, letting out a soft sound of agreement. "Yes," she said. "But," her brow furrowed, "would it have been as satisfying?"

Castle knitted his eyebrows together as he mulled over that question. While she waited, Kate absently ran her fingers across his chest, still amazed at where she was. This was definitely not how she envisioned her evening turning out when she woke up that morning to prepare for her first day as captain of the Twelfth Precinct. Though, in all honesty, she wouldn't change anything about it.

"I don't know," he finally answered, his chest rumbling with his response. "I'd like to think so," he added after some thought. "Always suspected we'd be great together."

"Me too," she concurred, shifting to rest her head against his shoulder, squeezing her arms around his torso in a happy hug. "Though, I certainly would never have admitted it before."

"But now?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow as he glanced down at her with interest.

"Now, I'll admit it," Kate answered with a giddy grin. "Though it's no longer theoretical. We are _definitely_ great together." She worked to suppress her beaming smile, biting her lower lip as she skimmed her hand up and down his chest, memorizing the feel of his warm flesh beneath her fingertips. It was all so surreal.

Castle let out a low chuckle.

"What?" she asked, wrinkling her nose as she glanced up at him.

"Just… that thing you just did," he said with a twinkle in his eye, "it reminds me of when we first met and I suggested we debrief each other."

Kate narrowed her eyes as she thought back on that first case. Her lips quirked up when she recalled the moment he was mentioning. She pulled her lower lip under her teeth and arched up into him, brushing her lips across his earlobe as she whispered in a seductive tone.

"You have no idea."

Castle moved his hand to her ass, grabbing the toned flesh with glee. "I do now!" he declared with a chuckle.

Kate laughed too, her heart light and smile bright. She had never felt so… happy. She honestly couldn't remember the last time she'd snuggled in bed after sex, just laughing and enjoying the company of her partner. Kate just didn't do that sort of thing much. And she definitely didn't cuddle. Not like this. She glanced up at Castle, pursing her lips as she examined his countenance. He looked just as happy and blissed out as she felt.

And furthermore, being here with him, after some pretty wild and passionate sex, she was surprised to discover that she wasn't afraid.

"I should be scared right now," she blurted out, startling the gentle silence that had descended over them.

"What do you mean?" Castle asked, shifting to sit up.

Kate followed, remaining close, not willing or ready to relinquish him. She dropped her head, allowing her sex-tousled hair to fall down to cover her face. Castle hummed softly, gentle and calming, reaching up with a hand to part the curtain of auburn hair, revealing her perplexed and troubled expression.

"Talk to me," he urged.

Releasing a sigh, Kate leaned back and met his eyes. "I'm terrible at relationships," she confessed. "Ever since my mom died, I just… I don't know, was afraid of getting hurt, so I walled up my heart, unwilling to let anyone in. I always had one foot out the door. Eventually, after therapy, I realized that to have the kind of relationship I wanted, I needed to put her case to bed."

"And now?" Castle encouraged, gently stroking her back.

She looked at him for a long moment and then smiled softly. "Now, I'm different," she asserted. "I feel more open, free. The wall's still there—always will be, I think—but it's not so insurmountable now. If that makes any sense. And I can finally be in a proper relationship. Properly," she repeated for emphasis, hoping he'd read between the lines and get what she was trying to say without coming right out and saying it.

"And… you want that to be with me?" he questioned, his expression unreadable.

Kate nodded. "Obviously," she said, gesturing to the state of her bed.

Castle grinned at that, but shook his head, growing somber. "Being with someone is about more than sex, Kate," he corrected. "Even if it is the best, mind-blowing, amazing sex ever."

"I know," she insisted, flashing him a slightly cross look. "But I'm serious about this." She gestured between them. "About us."

Castle pursed his lips. "So am I," he answered earnestly. "Because, truth be told, I've sucked at relationships too."

"You?" she hooted in astonishment. "But you've been married twice!"

"Precisely," he indicated with a nod, holding up two fingers. "Twice. I have two ex-wives, Kate. _Ex-wives_. So clearly I haven't been doing something right if they are both now my exes."

"Oh, I see your point."

He averted his eyes and stared down at his lap. "I have always projected his confident image to the world, but inside, I'm just as insecure and afraid as everyone else," he admitted in a quiet, almost timid voice. "I want it to work this time, Kate. With you. I want it to work."

Kate smiled, pleased to hear him say that. She gently cupped his jaw in her palm and tilted his head up until he was once again meeting his gaze. "I want it to work too," she vowed. Taking his hand in hers, she pulled it to her chest, holding it between her breasts, right above her scar.

Castle swallowed, his eyes dropping to look down at the spot. Kate could feel her heart beating so very profoundly beneath her ribcage that she was absolutely positive that Castle could feel it as well. She had never been more open or vulnerable with anyone in her whole life. She had only truly known Richard Castle for a year, at best, yet there had always been something about him. That was why she'd kept him at arm's length, denied for so long what her heart yearned for.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked, frowning.

"No," she said with a simple shake of her head. "It did, in the beginning. But not anymore."

"There's so much we've missed out on," he said, pulling his eyes up, meeting hers. "So much time lost."

"Maybe it was just the time we needed to grow and become ready for one another," Kate said, feeling bold, no longer afraid to hold back in saying what she wanted. She'd learned long ago that life was too short to squander the precious moments. It had taken her far too long to learn that lesson. She wasn't going to waste it now.

"You mean that, don't you?" Castle said. Though phrased like a question, it was more like a statement.

"I do," she confirmed, gazing into his cobalt eyes with undisguised emotion. "Because, even though we haven't seen one another in years, I think we can be something special."

"So do I," Castle asserted with a warm smile.

"Good," Kate smiled in return, leaning in to kiss him, keeping his hand pressed to her chest.

Retreating for air, they rested their foreheads together, staring into each other's eyes as they shared the same breathing space. It was intimate and perfect. Castle leaned in again, brushing his lips to hers in a more energetic kiss, while he used his hand to gently nudge her back down to the mattress, where together they sealed their unspoken promise with another round of fervent and zealous lovemaking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Holding on Tonight**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 6**_

* * *

She awoke feeling all warm and soft. It was a new sensation. It was nice. She liked it. Blinking lazily, Kate rolled onto her side, reaching out to smooth her hand down the back of her bed companion. A low rumble met her, and she grinned, pulling her lower lip under her teeth to suppress the giddiness that was building up inside her. Her heart clenched with happiness, feeling so light and free that she didn't know what to do with it. Kate had never felt this way before. The morning after had always been somewhat awkward or just something she had to work through.

Of course, it would be different with Richard Castle. Everything was different with him.

Castle let out a little sound, and abruptly sat up on the edge of the bed, his back to her. "Bathroom?" his questioned, his voice rough with sleep.

"Down the hall and to the right," Kate answered, her cheeks flushing with color. She didn't know why she was embarrassed, but there was just something uniquely intimate about sharing a bed with someone and then watching them slip out to use the bathroom.

Castle bobbed his head in response, pushing up off the bed, gifting her with a glorious view of his magnificent ass. She smiled lazily, remembering how last night she'd dug her fingers into the ample flesh. Curling further into the warm mattress, Kate happily watched him walk out of the room in nothing but his birthday suit. God, the man looked good. Like a fine wine, he'd aged well. She closed her eyes, and nuzzled into his pillow, breathing in his scent.

This was a nice way to wake up. She could definitely get used to it.

Without intending it, Kate drifted off for a bit before Castle returned, his bare feet stomping sleepily across the floorboards. Kate languidly moved back to give him room. She licked her lips at the sight of him. Even while flaccid, he was an impressive male specimen. However, Castle didn't seem to notice her predatory look, as he just climbed back into bed, lying down on his side with his back to her. All too soon his breathing seemed to even out and he was asleep again.

Huffing in annoyance, Kate scooted closer to him, relishing the heat radiating off his solid frame. Biting her lower lip, Kate moved her hand up, and played with the fine hairs dusting the nape of his neck, caressing his skin, mesmerized at the feel of it beneath her fingertips. Waking up like this was a little surreal for Kate. Just a few short years ago, something like this would have scared the shit out of her. But, just as last night, she found that she wasn't afraid. Quite the opposite actually. She was amazed at how quickly her life had changed overnight.

Yesterday morning, she'd had woken up alone, going through the motions, content, if not satisfied, with her life. Today was the complete opposite. She was happy, truly happy.

"It wasn't a dream," she breathed out, almost in awe, a beaming smile working its way onto her lips.

"Hmm?" hummed her companion, evidently still awake, shifting around so that he could face her. Castle grinned back at her, palming the side of her face in his large hand. His thumb tenderly caressed her cheek as he met her gaze. "No regrets?" he asked, cautious, still so cautious. It made her wonder what had happened to him over their separation.

"None," she asserted confidently, surging forward to greet him with a kiss. He groaned approvingly into her mouth. Oh, yes, she thought to herself, she could definitely get used to waking up to this. She delighted in the warm press of their naked bodies as they snuggled together, slowly savoring the intimate nature of their first morning.

"That was nice," Castle announced when they separated, foreheads touching as they rubbed noses and shared the same breathing space.

"Yes, it was," Kate concurred with a stifled grin.

Castle idly ran his hand up and down her side, eventually finding purchase on the jut of her hip. She tipped her head up again, kissing him softly, adoringly.

"Do we have time?" he asked, the evidence of his want very apparent to her.

She frowned. "What time is it?"

Castle reluctantly pulled back, arching his neck and twisting his torso around to glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand beside her bed. "Just after seven," he replied, rolling back to face her, flicking his tongue out to wet his lips.

Kate sighed, and he released a breath, equally displeased. Kate wished she could just hold on to last night and make it last forever. But she still had work, and it was her second day on the job as captain. Kate dropped her head down onto his shoulder, closing her eyes as she worked to contain her disappointment.

"Sorry," she whispered, leaning back to meet his understanding eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Kate," he insisted, shifting to sit up, awkwardly maneuvering the bedsheets around to cover his straining arousal. "It's not like you planned any of this."

"I know," she said, joining him in a sitting position, letting the sheet fall down to her lap. Brushing back her tousled hair, Kate looked at him with yearning in her eyes. "This… thing between us is just so new, I don't want to mess it up by putting the job first."

That statement seemed to stun him. He raised his eyebrows and stared at her like she'd suddenly grown a second head. Kate cocked her head and frowned, puzzled by his reaction. From the glazed over look in his eyes, she was hoping he was just distracted by the sight of her naked chest.

"Castle?"

He shook his head, and scrubbed a hand down his face. "I think it just hit me," he explained at length.

"What did?"

"That this is real," he said, gesturing between them. "Us. I wanted last night to happen for so long, but then I left for London and I guess I figured that I'd never see you again, that I'd lost my chance to ever be with you."

"To be fair, I'm pretty sure that back then all you wanted was to just get into my pants," Kate pointed out with a smirk, enjoying teasing him.

Castle bobbed his head, conceding the point. "Touché."

"But," she went on, folding her hands in her lap. "I think I get what you're saying." She paused for a breath, wanting to get this right in the light of day. There was no alcohol lowering their inhibitions, giving them liquid courage to say things that they normally wouldn't say. "I meant what I said last night. All of it."

"So did I," he replied earnestly, gazing at her with such adoration in his eyes that Kate wanted to shout with joy at both the verbal and visual confirmation.

She smiled at him, reaching out for his hand. He turned his palm up and entwined their fingers together. Kate squeezed his hand, and lifted it to her lips, kissing his knuckles.

"I always wondered if you did real," she declared, almost cryptically. "Now I know."

"Huh?" it was Castle's turn to be puzzled by her statement.

She bit her lower lip, ducking her head down almost bashfully before answering. "When we first met, I thought you were just a self-absorbed, arrogant jackass."

"Well, I sort of was," he freely admitted with a self-deprecating grin.

"Still are, I see," she said with a teasing eye roll.

He pouted like a child. She apologized with a sweet kiss. Pulling back, she reached up to tuck some loose strands behind her ear. Beneath her breast, her heartbeat quickened as her veins filled with nervous energy.

"I just never imagined you could be with someone like me," she confessed out loud, in a small voice. "I saw you with Meredith, Gina… and celebutantes," she went on, needing to get this out. "But, no one who was just like me, an average woman."

"Kate," Castle shook his head, reaching up to palm the side of her face. "You are far from being average. I've said it before, and I'll say it again… you're extraordinary."

She closed her eyes and eased into his touch, willing her eyes to remain dry. However, his sincere words made it difficult. When she looked back up at him, her hazel eyes glistened with raw emotion. She felt the final cracks in her wall buckle and give way, tumbling down to expose her heart completely to his invasion. For the first time in her entire life, Kate willingly surrendered. Kate canted into him, turning her head up to graze her mouth against his in a kiss that was different that any of the ones that had come before.

"You've got it all backwards," he said at length, after they'd separated. "I'm the one that's unworthy."

"What!?" she hooted, shaking her head in vigorous disagreement.

He held up a hand to forestall any of her objections, his gaze soft and tender. "It's true," he insisted. "But I'm not that man anymore. I've matured, grown over the last few years. I like to think I'm a better father, son… man than I was before."

"You are," she insisted, not even waiting for him to stop talking.

Castle let out a half chuckle at that. "It's been what… a few hours since we reunited? And half the time was spent having sex."

"Great sex," she said with a delighted grin.

"Yes, great sex," he agreed. "The best."

"The best," she echoed.

He waited a moment longer, allowing them a moment to revel in their shared memories of the previous night. And then he laughed, shaking his head. "I write for a living, yet here I am, fumbling over this," he chuckled.

Kate reached forward and clutch his hand, offering him her unflinching support. "I trust you," she said, astonished that she actually meant it.

His eyes jerked up to meet hers, stunned. "You do?"

"Yes," she asserted, leaving no room for any doubt. "I know you're not the man you were before, Castle. But even back then, with all that playboy façade, deep down, you were still a good, honest man."

A small smile touched his lips as he nodded. "Yes. I like to think so, yes. Thank you."

She smiled back at him. "Now," she sat up straighter. "What were you trying to say?"

"Just… I know last night was pretty _intense_ ," he said. "And I'm not saying I don't want a repeat performance—because hell yes I want one!—but I want to do right by you, Kate."

"What do you mean?" she frowned, uncertain as to exactly what he was getting at.

"I want to take you out," he blurted out.

"Like a date?" she questioned, confused.

"Yes, precisely, like a date," he said, relieved she understood.

"Okay," she announced after a moment's thought. "Yes. I'd like that. I haven't really been on a proper date in a while."

"Though, we have sort of skipped a few steps," Castle waggled his eyebrows, smoothing his hand down her naked side.

Kate shivered as a pool of heated want formed in her center. "Yes, we have," she hummed in response. "No complaints." She licked her lips, her eyes momentarily dropping to his mouth. "Like you, I wouldn't mind a repeat of last night."

Castle grinned happily. "I'm glad," he said, growing somewhat somber, looking anxious. "Because I want to be the man you deserve."

"Oh, Castle," she shook her head, unable to hide her amusement. "Don't be silly." Leaning forward, Kate brushed the flop of hair back from his forehead. "Don't you see?"

His brow wrinkled adorably. "Huh?"

"You're already that man," she said, then silenced any more conversation with a deep and passionate kiss.

She with withdrew with a sigh, happy and satisfied. Castle wore a dopey grin. Kate slipped off the bed, and stretched her arms up over her head, arching her back. She pursed her lips, suppressing a delighted smile, knowing she now had Castle's rapt attention. Kate raised her hand, holding it up in offering.

"Join me in the shower?" she said, hoping he'd spot the suggestive sparkle in her eyes. "And help me wash up?"

Castle grinned, accepting her proffered hand, and clambered out of the bed to join her. He slipped an arm around her waist, and hugged her tightly. She closed her eyes, burying her face in his chest, breathing in the scent of him, them, and sex. It smelled good. It smelled like home.

"I'm yours, Kate Beckett," Castle declared, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. "Always."

Kate smiled up at him, linking their hands together. "Always," she echoed his refrain. And then, she led him to her bathroom, intent on squeezing in one more round of fun in the shower before she had to head into work.


	7. Epilogue

**Holding on Tonight**

* * *

 _ **Epilogue**_

* * *

She did it.

Kate Beckett glanced at the clock and smiled. She shut down her computer and leaned back in her chair, her smile turning giddy. She stood up and stretched, working the kinks out of her neck, pausing momentarily as a thought struck her. It stunned her. She was amazed at the difference one night could make. Last night, she had merely been satisfied with her job, but now, she had something to look forward to. Going home wasn't something to dread like it had been the previous night. Her smile widened.

 _Home_.

She couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before.

Home didn't have to be a place.

Kate dug her phone out of her pocket, quickly sending a message to let him know she was getting off work. Not a second later she got a response, giving her the name and address of a restaurant within walking distance of the precinct. She'd made him promise not to pick anywhere fancy. He didn't need to wine and dine her. No. That wasn't necessary. She didn't need that. And he didn't need to impress her. All she required was him.

Shoving her cellphone back into her pocket, Kate raked her fingers through her hair and stalked towards the door to her office. She flicked off the lights and stepped out, closing the door behind her. Turning to the bullpen, she flashed Ryan and Esposito a farewell smile, before ducking her head and making a move to leave.

"Yo, where you going?" Esposito hollered from his desk, his eyes flicking briefly towards the digital chronometer at the bottom left of his computer screen, checking to make sure he hadn't stayed beyond his shift.

"Out," she answered, offering a wave as she continued on. "See you guys tomorrow." And with that, she marched towards the elevator, leaving the boys to debate what she was up to. She smirked, amused as she glanced back to see their confused and puzzled looks as they gossiped between themselves.

As she stepped inside the lift, her cellphone buzzed. Retrieving it, Kate answered with her customary curt greeting, "Beckett."

"Hey, girl," came Lanie's effervescent voice. "I know yesterday was your first day, but what say you and I go out to celebrate tonight?"

Kate grinned. Oh, if only her best friend knew what kind of celebrating she'd been up to the previous night. She waited a beat before answering. "Sorry, Lanie, but I've got plans," she revealed.

"What!?" hooted Lanie excitedly. "You? Plans!? Like… like a date?"

"Is that what people call it nowadays?" Kate joked, suppressing a laugh, highly amused at her friend's response.

"Now, Kate, don't tease," Lanie groused. Kate could just imagine her pouting. "I want some details. So, who's the guy?"

She shrugged nonchalantly, even though Lanie couldn't see her. "Oh, no one you know," she drawled out, idly looking at her fingernails and thinking about the scratches she'd left in Castle's back last night.

"Kate!?" whined Lanie.

"Look, it's new, okay," she defended. "I don't want to jinx it."

"But I will get details, right?"

"In spades," Kate assured.

The elevator chimed dinged and the doors rattled open, revealing a ruggedly handsome man waiting on the other side. Kate grinned, pleasantly surprised.

"Gotta go, Lanie. Bye," she announced, and then unceremoniously hung up on her best friend. She cocked her head as she stepped out of the lift. "What are you doing here? I thought we'd agree to meet at the restaurant."

Richard Castle rolled his shoulders in a dramatic shrug. "I couldn't wait," he asserted with an excited smile. "Besides, it's a nice night out, I thought it would be nice if we walked there together."

"Did you now?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

Castle pursed his lips and took a step closer, invading her personal space. He lowered his voice to a deep husk that did things to her insides. "We could always skip dinner," he suggested with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Tugging her lower lip under her teeth, Kate shook her head. Oh, he was good. "Easy there, tiger," she said. "You promised me a meal, and with all of our _activities_ , I'm famished. So, feed me."

"Right you are," Castle agreed stepping back, making a dramatic display of offering her his arm. She bit back a smile and accepted, slipping her arm around his.

Yes, Kate thought, nuzzling close to him as they walked down the street in the brisk autumn evening. This right here, being with Rick Castle, this was her home. And she was going to hold on to it for life.

* * *

 **THE END**

* * *

 _ ***Author's Note: Thank you all for joining me on this oneshot that became a small** **multi-chapter story. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**_


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